While my mother was alive I had spoken often to her about where she wanted to have her ashes buried.  She was never completely resolute but we talked often about her going back to Danmarksby in Sweden where she had worked and got to know my dad Bengt and then was proposed to and been married in the beautiful Danmarksby Church.  Years later I had been christened there, Mum and I buried my dad there with his parents in 1993 and we had Stefan christened there in 2000.  “If you want to” she would say.  In the hospital while we were all gathered we confirmed with her that we would take her back and bury her with my dad.  Mum also said that if we do all go back to Sweden that we must go and find Rosa Heller, her best friend while she lived in Sweden.  Rosa had visited us in New Zealand once and I had given her the shock of her life one day by showing up at the door in the year 2000 to ask if she would like to come to Stefan’s christening.  She did come and helped us immensely to set things up and do it all properly.   So it was decided.  We are all going to Sweden.

Upon reflection I realise that mum wanted us to make this journey for the following reasons.

1. She wanted to enforce all of us to take a holiday
2. She wanted to keep the family focussed on being together
3. She wanted us to create memories that last a life time
4. She loved the peace and serenity of the church grounds which are so beautifully maintained.
5. She loved my dad and his Swedishness

So in the hospital and the days after she died we agreed and planned a trip to Sweden.  In Summer 2018, during the university and school holidays and decided a date 30 June 2018.  I emailed the church and booked in the time (gets busy with weddings in Summer) and everything else could revolve around that.

So back to the beginning of our Scandinavia Adventure.

Nigel and I arrived and checked in to the ultimate AirBnB in Copenhagen which is an apartment on Nyhavn.  Outside our front windows was the most historic and iconic part of Copenhagen and during our stay we (hanging out the windows) and our apartment featured in approximately 4.6 million selfies.  We met with a friend of mine and her new partner who decided quite quickly that our lounge was better than any other rooftop destination in Copenhagen and so we just stayed put and chatted.  Nigel and I had a lovely few days just wandering the streets and relaxing.  Then came the day we woke up early and went to the airport to retrieve our son who had flown directly from NZ via Bangkok to Copenhagen (Confucius say… that man who go through metal detector sideways… going to Bangkok J). The three muskateers together again.

We then spent a night back up in Sweden with Stefan’s God mother Jen and her lovely family and then woke up on MidSommar Eve where we drove to Lund to celebrate the middle of Summer in the town where I studied at Lund University and Nigel arrived to surprise me… it’s a long but quite good love story if you ever want to hear it.  We went back to the bus stop where a young guy called Bengt helped and paid for Nigel get to the obscure hostel I was living in.  The rest is now part of our little family’s history.

We went back to Copenhagen to show Stefan the sights including Tivoli by night and a long walk through the Freetown.  This little part of Copenhagen was started by a group of hippies squatting in some old buildings and has grown into an independent village of 700 residents where they have made their own rules and have legalised marijuana and self-govern themselves.  After many years of fighting it, the Danish government have now accepted this and just leave them alone.  But don’t try and take anything out of the village as the Police are waiting with sniffer dogs etc. at the gates.  It was really interesting.   We then flew to Stockholm to get ready to meet with the family and extended family.

We decided to stay the first night in Sweden in a self contained cabin in the same camping ground that Nigel and I had lived in when we first arrived in Stockholm and we lived in our campervan until it got too cold in September and we needed to get an apartment.  It was so great.  Lake to swim in, woods to walk in and loads of great memories for us of times gone by.  Staying in camping stugas in Sweden is one of the best ways to stay as in general they are always really good.  Fully self contained and the campgrounds are always on a lake or nearby somewhere to swim.

The next day we went out to the island of Tynningö where we had the world’s most incredible Air BnB.  Built in 1875 on the banks of the Baltic it was a 7 bedroom, two lounges, three bathrooms mansion.  Perfect for the 15 of us who would eventually all end up staying there.  Tynningö is a small island part of the Stockholm archipelago which consists of 35 000 islands and is incredibly beautiful.  Luckily access to Tynningö is part of the Swedish road system and so there is a free car ferry that goes twice an hour from the mainland.  We got pretty good at that ferry as we spent 10 days on the island.

We spent time together talking, laughing, reminiscing and making brand new memories.  The weather was perfect every day and we could all just relax and enjoy swimming and our time together.

In the week before the service John, Ingrid and I went through to the church to meet with the minster and to go and sort out what we were going to do on the day of the service.  We also wanted to see if we could find Rosa.  She had lived in the same house since she moved there from Germany in the 1960’s so it wasn’t too hard to find her house.  We rang the doorbell and 94 year old Rosa opened it.  I didn’t want to give her a heart attack so I said very slowly in Swedish “I’m Jenny Fromén… Margaret and Bengt Fromén’s daughter from New Zealand”.  She was completely bewildered so I said it again.  She went and got her hearing aids in and I said it again.  She looked at Ingrid and John and asked “well who are they”.  I explained it all again in my very best Swedish and then she finally understood.  We gave her once again the shock of her life.  She invited us in and we managed to explain why we were there and that the service would be on Saturday if she wanted to come.  She explained that she didn’t manage too well these days and it might not be possible but that she was glad that she knew that mum had died.  She also explained that she at first thought we were members of some form of cult that was there to convert her.  “I’ve had people from New Zealand show up here before and give me a shock” she said. “Yes, that was me too” I said.

The day of the memorial service we all made sure we were on time for the ferry and headed up to Uppsala.  It was a really lovely service in Swedish with the same hymn from their wedding, my christening, Stefan’s christening and my Dads funeral played on the big organ.  We decided that the religion that was lacking from mum’s NZ funeral service was made up for in the Swedish one but it was really lovely.  The organist came up at the beginning and said that she was the daughter of Dan-Erik Oldeberg and that Dan-Erik and his wife were coming to the funeral.  Dan-Erik was my dad’s best friend when they grew up and he had been at my Dads funeral too.  It was so lovely seeing them and we went back to see them again before we left to catch up properly.

Rosa came to the funeral too.  Her neighbour had driven her down because she thought it was important.  She brought a small bunch of wildflowers from her garden to lay on the grave.  Our mum would have been so pleased we found her.

It has made all of us really happy to know that mum and dad are together again and that they are in the most beautiful place together.  Somewhere that now gives all of us and our children a connection to Sweden and a reason to always return.

Interestingly of all the islands in the whole archipelago we ended up on the one where our friends Malin and Håkan have their yacht moored every summer.  The evening after the service they invited all of us to go out for a champagne sunset cruise which was a real highlight for everyone and something that you can only do if you have the right connections.  As they say if you don’t own a boat then have friend’s who do.  We sailed right around the island drinking large quantities of champagne and having a really lovely time.  It was a great way to end a very emotional day.

The next day we had invited all of our Swedish relations and some friends to come to the house for lunch.  Everyone who arrived was really interested to have a look through the house and so the first part of the day was spent doing guided tours of the beautiful house.  The couples who lived on the island were most interested as it’s such a small island and so everyone knew this house.  We had 46 people in total with everyone playing Kubb or swimming or kicking a football around in between the rolling lunch that we had organised.  At 3pm we had pre arranged with another of our friends that she would lead a Surströmming party.  For the uninitiated Surströmming is fermented rotting herring that is canned and is the stinkiest thing you can imagine.  It is so bad that the smell lingered for a couple of days later even though we had opened the tin in a remote corner of the garden.  Swedes who love Surströmming LOVE Surströmming and get very excited to eat it.  Many of those who came that day were absolutely thrilled to find out that we had it and it was a good opportunity for everyone to try it.  Nigel loved it.  Apparently it doesn’t taste the way it smells (which is a good thing).

Over the week Nigel and I wanted to eat as many of the things we missed and so every night pretty much everyone else in the house would get to try the various odd Swedish foods that we wanted to eat.  Shrimps one night, Swedish sausages another and a crayfish party the next night etc.  Not always easy to find some of the foods as they were out of season but we did our best and scoured every supermarket until we could find them.

Then it was all over.  The house was returned to the state that we found it and we all went our different ways.  Thankfully we also managed a five star Air BnB review from the owners which is great considering how noisy we had been most nights in fits of laughter.  It was an incredibly special time for us and one that we will never forget.

Our final night in Sweden was spent back at the campground where we met up with our friend Magnus who had arranged to take us up to the top of the Kista Science Tower where he works to see the view.  Kista is where Nigel’s office was when we lived there the first time.  It was great for him to see the old building and where he used to work.  That night one of his colleagues from Kista came round for pizza dinner and some drinks.  They had a good old catch up about telco and life in general.  Great way to end our time in Sweden.