So we have always wanted to go to Jamaica. Seeing Cool Runnings “Jamaica has a bob sled team!” secured our goal and so for many years we have said that we would get to Jamaica. It never really worked out on any of the other trips but this time we worked out we had enough time to get off the Norwegian Getaway and get straight out to the airport and fly to Jamaica for four days. So we did.

We stayed at an All Inclusive resort as most of the resorts around the island are. They are not cheap but includes all our food, drinks and entertainment and so they work out OK in the end. Realistically there aren’t many places in the resort towns to go to for meals etc. so you are better off just staying in the resort.

Wow, what a chilled out relaxed slooooooooowwwww pace of life that island is. The people are all really beautiful and rhythmic and there is music everywhere. As you drive around the island you see signs for small shacks on the side of the road “Jerk Stop” (obviously sells the famous Jamaican Jerk Chicken).”Beer Joint” (obviously sells beer) “Party Spot” (Where I assume there is a party). People wander along with a certain swagger and approximately 99.8% of people have dreadlocks or braids of some kind. Including the little tiny kids who are so adorable with their black hair in the start of braids or dreads in tiny little bundles. So Cute.

The resort had a couple of beaches with lounge chairs and a beach bar and these awesome floaty mat type things that you could literally float to Honduras on if you fell asleep. The water was so incredibly clear that it became a little freaky when we started to see the sting rays and really large fish that we were occupying the water with. But the coolest part of our nature in Jamaica adventure was the Pelican’s.
Imagine lying silently in the warmest clearest water you’ve ever seen. The waves lap quietly onto perfect white sand and the sun beats down on you as you rock quietly in the swell.. Then GAZUMPHAH! A pelican dives right down into the water within 10 centimetres of you! Grabs a gullet full of tiny fish and then bobs next to you before launching himself in the flappiest, awkward running flap off the sea. It was terrifying the first time and then becomes the highlight of our swims. We even got to recognise the different pelican’s – magic.

At about midday a little boat turns the corner and moors just off the end of the resort beach. Cowboy hat dude hops off and most of the resort go down and see him over the next few hours. High fives, fist pumps and cash are exchanged for small bags of the green stuff Jamaica is famous for. At the same time Crayfish dude is wandering along with a live crayfish that you can pay him to go and cook for you and serve on the beach. He also sells green stuff and apparently other things too as he was quite happy to tell Nigel and I. There was one other guy wearing a tee shirt that said on the front :You want it…I got it!” on the back it said “If I don’t got it… I go get it!”.
Needless to say that at approximately 4.20 every day the air is filled with the unmistakeable smell of any Pink Floyd Revival concert I’ve ever been to. To be fair you can smell it on your way to breakfast, just after lunch and in the late nights down on the beach. No wonder everyone is so mellow!

Evenings were spent in the resort restaurants and there were four different ones with differing cuisines and then afterwards the resort staff would put on some incredible shows. A tribute to Bob and Ziggy Marley one night. A Jamaican night with every other famous Jamaican artist featured Peter Tosh, Jimmy Cliff, Shaggy, Ini Kamoze etc. The music was so great and everyone was so chilled. The Jamaican’s have incredible rhythm and I know that’s a stereotype but they just do! Every staff member has a certain style about them – they are just so darn cool! Hilarious watching the Americans trying to twerk like a Jamaican mon… yeah nah!

All too soon we were on our way out to the airport to get back to the States. We hopped on our American Airlines flight and were advised on four separate occasions that we were sitting in an exit row and were we willing and able to help in the case of an emergency. “Yes” we both answered on each occasion secretly thankful for the extra legroom.
As we sat in our aisle and middle seat there was a complete debacle in the row in front as a guy who had obviously lost a couple of his braincells on the beach of Jamaica was found to be sitting four rows away from the seat on his boarding pass. This caused a flow on effect as everyone tried to sit somewhere else and the following debacle was outright hilarious.

Just before takeoff a dude who I can only describe as Ziggy Marley complete with full camouflage gear, dreads and distinct odour squeezed past Nigel and I to take his place on the window seat. “Are you willing and able to help in an emergency”?” asked the flight attendant… three times! He nodded slowly and then turned to me to see if I could explain what that meant. I started explaining to him that he would need to open the door if instructed by the crew, he promptly fell asleep head forward ,drool escaping his lips. This is how he stayed the whole 1.5 hour flight back to Miami. Just before landing the flight attendant came and started throwing bags of pretzels at him to wake him up. She announced that it’s a common occurrence on the flights back to the States from Jamaica. They have their last smoke in the car on the way to the airport so maximise their opportunity. My main issue was that there might be drug dogs at the airport in Miami and if they sniffed me they would absolutely be able to pick up on something. Thankfully that didn’t happen but it was a great Instagram post none the less. It should be noted that our flight was at 10.30am. Perfect time of day to get blazed according to Ziggy.

What a wild, bucket list ticking awesome few days in Jamaica. We will be back. We will stay longer and we will look back fondly on our little piece of paradise in the Caribbean.

I love Las Vegas. I love how some people hate Las Vegas because it’s tacky. I think that’s probably most of its charm. When we were in Venice we encountered a group of Americans on a bus to the airport who were saying how similar they found the real Venice to the Venetian in Vegas. Where else can you go from Paris to New York to Venice within a short casino infused wander. Take it for what it is and just enjoy the people watching, the constant sound of pokie machines and the sheer number of bachelorette and bachelor parties and “Wilson Family Holiday 2018” tee shirts.

The first time I went to Las Vegas was with my Mum, Dad and brother in 1990. We stayed in the Dunes Hotel which three years later was imploded in typical Las Vegas style with fireworks, cannon blasts and massive amounts of explosives while 200 000 people watched on. The Bellagio with its wondrous fountains was built on the site. My mum wasn’t keen on Vegas as she had absolutely no interest in gambling but my dad really wanted to go. Let’s just say that mum discovered the Poker machines and at the end of the trip was fossicking around in the bottom of her handbag for a loose quarter to slot in a machine for one more try before we left the airport.

Over the years I’ve been back and each time I have left money behind in the machines and on the tables. This time was going to be different, Nigel and I were determined to win the million. I was also determined to find a $5 Blackjack table and take the house down. Let’s just say that we did win. At one point Nigel came up with a $280 chit that he had cashed out. I on the other hand was $70 up on the blackjack table and so he had to go and insert the $280 into a machine to have something to do while I continue playing the table. He won again! And then he lost and I won and then I lost again. That’s pretty much summed up the whole 5 days in Vegas! They give you just enough joy to keep going back and then just when you’re having a good time and have worked out how much to tip the drinks waitress, Vegas strips it all away a from you. Leaving you sitting on a chair you’re your terrible glass of wine, watching other people win money as they slot their cash into the other machines.

I did manage to convince Nigel to learn how to play Blackjack though. He was a bit hesitant to begin with but after a few hands he started to get the hang of it. By the end of the first night when he was yelling “bust bust bust” at the very amply endowed croupier I knew I had him hooked. Then we lost our money and went home.

Speaking of home… I had scored the best goddamn hotel room of the whole trip. We stayed at Hilton Vacations at the Flamingo in a one bedroom apartment. It’s a timeshare resort so when you arrive the spend the first few days trying to convince you to go to a presentation on timeshares but after a while they give up. But holy heck! Massive bedroom, bathroom, spas bath, full size kitchen with the biggest microwave I’ve ever seen and a full washing machine and dryer. Well I was in heaven. For those of you who travel you know how hard it is to get clean clothes. We had washed clothes in the sink and wandered hours to the laundromat for almost five months now so I literally washed everything we owned. Was so exciting! And at around $100 a night it was the best value hotel we had in the States.

It had suddenly hit us that we were only days away from going home and for me days from being back at work so I decided I needed a hair cut. I booked in with Tinesha at the next door casino and turned up at my allotted time. Tinesha proceeded to talk incessantly for two hours. She was actually really interesting and taught me a lot about the psyche of an average black American woman. Her biggest fear for her teenage sons was that they would be killed by the police. She didn’t worry about car accidents or drugs as she said she raised good men. But she said that good black men are getting killed every day in America and it scared her to death. She had five kids with three of them in College costing her $30 000 a year each that she knew would be worth it. She also hated Trump, loved Obama and didn’t think that Oprah should run for president. She was third generation from being a slave and one day wanted to go back to Louisiana and buy a plantation house for her extended family to live in. Her husband proposed to her for the first time when they were both seven years old and proposed to her every year for the next 20 years until she finally agreed to marry him. They get married again every 5 years (lots of options in Vegas) and this year would be their 20th wedding anniversary so they were going to go back to Louisiana for another wedding ceremony. Finally she spent a good 20 minutes telling me how to tip in America. How much for the busboy, how much for taxi drivers, that you should tip Uber drivers and that it was generally 15-20% for Hairdressers and that you add it to the bill like in a restaurant. Anyway considering she had waist length braids in her hair she did a pretty good job on some blonde moderately curly, pulled through a bush backwards hair. She deserved her 20%.

Anyway, to cut a long story short we did not win a million and have once again left money in Vegas that we need to go back and win back one day… that’s the plan anyway.

As we left Las Vegas and it’s 43 degrees of stifling airless heat outside we were not ready or prepared for San Francisco and its 14 degrees of fog. We stayed in Chinatown with an amazing view of the bay that we couldn’t see most of the time because off the fog. Right outside our hotel was a Hop on Hop Off bus and if you’ve been following along you know how much we love a Hop On Hop Off bus. So on we hopped!
We wrapped up in every layer we had as the windchill took it down to about 5 degrees and headed off on the open top double decker hanging to each other for warmth with a smile and a good attitude. What a unique city. We loved the architecture and the Harbour area and had a wonderful lunch overlooking Alcatraz after watching the Sea lions at Pier 39.

On our first night we found out that San Fran is famous for its $1 oysters. As you know Nigel loves oysters so we went off to see what they were like. What we found was a cute little French bistro in an alley way that served homemade paté and French rosé and as many oysters as you want for $1 each. Needless to say this little place became our local and we would wander down in the afternoon for an entrée before dinner.

But it was all coming to an end. We were getting ready for our final day. How would we get to the airport and what time should we leave? Were our bags over weight, did we need to dump anything heavy before check in? What time was the latest check out and could we store our bags? All questions that very soon we wouldn’t have to worry about. We wouldn’t worry about which hotel we would stay in next or where to find a convenience store and whether we had to eat cereal with chopsticks because we didn’t have a spoon. We wouldn’t worry about trip advisor reviews or money changing or finding somewhere to eat dinner. We wouldn’t worry about how to get our clothes clean or how to find our way back to our accommodation in the dark. We wouldn’t worry that the we’d get sick or hurt ourselves and be somewhere where no one speaks English. We wouldn’t worry about check in’s and check outs and Ubers. We wouldn’t worry about getting our luggage over cobblestones or up steep stairs. No more worries about where we put the passports and did we have both credit cards with us. I guess heading home would be “No Worries!”

After 32 countries and every form of transportation known to man we were on our final journey home. As we stepped on the plane headed for Auckland we got a text from Stefan. “I’ll see you in the morning” he said.

We were only in Miami for two days and we were back out to the port to get on our second cruise the Norwegian Getaway for 7 nights. 

While Nigel and I were on the canal boat in England I encountered a last minute deal for a one week cruise that would take us to Mexico, Belize and Honduras.  It left two days after the Cuba Cruise that had booked ages ago and was really cheap.  So we sat in the middle of the English countryside and booked a balcony cabin (with no specific allocation as it was cheap). It’s one of those last minute decisions that turned out to be absolutely brilliant.

The Getaway is a huge ship with climbing walls, waterslides 4000 guests and 1600 crew, basically twice the size of the one to Cuba.  And you could tell.  We now agree when people speak about the really big ships being a bit too big.  They have so many things to do on them it’s a bit overwhelming and yet they still feel very crowded.  We had an amazing balcony room though as in the end they gave us an aft balcony at the back of the boat and so we spent most of our time sitting out there watching dolphins and flying fish and the world go by.

Our first port was Costa Maya Mexico which is famous for the Mayan Pyramid complex.  Big one on our bucket list and so we bit the bullet and did the day tour to see them.  We weren’t disappointed.  The temples are the stepped limestone rocks that you will recognise as soon as you see them.  They were built around 200 B.C – 700 A.D and so in comparison to Egypt they are babies but compared to the Aztecs from the 1500’s they are really old and very interesting.   Yes they did perform human sacrifice on top of them (but only later on and only to bring the rain, which apparently worked out well for them so they continued).  The Mayan people covered their pyramids in a red paint that you needed a whole heap of trees to create and so basically they cut all the trees down and ran out of food so they could have nice red painted houses.  That’s when they all left and the pyramids ended up covered in trees and debris and realistically you only know there is one there as there is a hill in the middle of the flat land.  Only 20% of the pyramids have been excavated and most of them are still waiting to show their secrets.  They still say that less is known about the Mayans than any other ancient culture.  Mainly because most of it is still underground.

Our next stop was in Belize.  Well actually it was a small offshore island owned by Belize and developed by the Norwegian cruise line company to provide zip lining, day beds, as many burgers as you could eat, A frozen margarita machine and beautiful clear warm water (which unfortunately was full of jellyfish and so we didn’t swim.).  It also had a butterfly house and you could buy a chilled fresh coconut with rum in it for $10USD.  It was a fun day and another country to add to the list but we really didn’t spend too much time there.

Next was Roatan Island Honduras.  They had zip lining, chilled coconuts with rum and as many burgers as you eat too but it was all inside the port area which was surrounded by a large wall.  Nigel and I decided we wanted to go for a look in town to see how the locals live and got all the way out to the port entrance where there was a massive sign.

“Please reconsider leaving the Port Area! We recommend that you only leave the port area on an organised excursion.  If you do leave the port area on your own please ensure that any valuables or irreplaceable items are left on the ship.  Please exercise caution and remain vigilant.”

While we were reading this there was whole heap of locals standing outside the fence yelling “don’t worry” “It’s safe outside” “Come out we will look after you”.  Nigel and I looked at each other and went, Oh well we are here now and stepped out the gate.

Pretty much you get hassled for the first 200 metres by locals wanting to sell you something or get you into their bar or into their cigar shop The Cubans could learn a few things about hassling and begging from the Hondurans.  But after the first few minutes they gave up and it’s kids going home from school and shops and banks and funny little run down house’ on stilts over the water.  It also had two armed guards at every bank.  One outside in bullet proof vest and machine gun and another inside with a shotgun.  They meant business.  We found out later just how dangerous Honduras is on a good day, but this little piece seemed to be just like any other town.

We walked along for as long as we could in the heat and then headed back down to the port area and back to watch the world go by in a restaurant overlooking the ship.  When we went to pay the credit card machine didn’t work and so Nigel had to go back onto the ship to get the cash and then come back to pay while I remained as collateral.  Still according to the rules of the how many countries can you clock up before you die list we had another one under our belt.  However because Nigel had to get off the ship twice and I only had to once he now reckons he’s been to Honduras twice as often as me… dammit!