The last time Nigel and I were in Istanbul was up there as being one of our worst travel stories.  Firstly, the last time we were here Türkiye was called Turkey, we were fresh faced 20 something year old backpackers (on a budget) and we didn’t have wifi or cellphones or google translate or xe.com or google reviews or tripadvisor.  I think all we had was a Lonely Planet guide to the Mediterranean and a smile and a good attitude.  

We arrived in Türkiye by boat from Greece in Kusadasi.  Went to Bodrum and Marmaris and travelled by bus to Pamukkale and on to Cappadocia.  We then went to Ankara which is where our Istanbul story started.  We had been eating street food the whole time and wanted a change from Doner Kebab and Falafel so we went to McDonalds.  Mmmmm Big Mac.  By the time we arrived in Istanbul both of us were really really sick.  We spent days doing rock paper scissors as to who would venture to the store and buy water.  We ate nothing and whatever went in came straight back out.  I’ll spare you the details, but at one point I ended up roaming the corridors of the hotel stealing toilet paper from the room service carts.  And back in those days the places we could afford to stay in didn’t have infrastructure that could handle you putting toilet paper down the toilet.  It was actually really horrendous (but we are still best friends).

On one of our final days we braved the streets and went to the Blue Mosque where I covered my head with a sarong and we were able to see inside. Then we left. So I don’t think we could actually ever say we’ve “seen” Istanbul.

So many moons later and with an e-sim already installed for data roaming, a taxi company google review and a translation of “how much and does that include the tolls?” we arrived back to Istanbul.

We went straight to our Hotel and then realised we’d hit the jackpot!  Right in the heart of the Old City, The Blue Mosque, Hagia Sofia, Hippodrome and Topkapi Palace are all five minutes walk away.  Plus the hotel had the most insane rooftop with incredible views where you had breakfast and could use any time of the day, bring your own food and drinks and enjoy.  Beautiful impeccably clean and comfy room and you could put toilet paper down the toilet!

Outside we found we were on a street full of restaurants so as soon as you stepped outside the hassling would begin.  “Hello sir, you want beer? We have nice restaurant, we have fish we have meat, you want tea? You want a nice shisha? Where you from? American?”  Then we entered one part of the street that they called the hassle free zone “I won’t hassle you here, you can look as long you like, take your time, American?”

I found out later why they were so keen to identify the American’s.  In Sultanahmet Square there was a public bathroom that cost 5 turkish lira to use (about 25 NZ cents), you give them the money and they give you a token to get through the door.  An American woman went through and said “I don’t have lira will you take Euro?” She then handed the man a 10 Euro note (about 18 NZ dollars).  “Sure” he said as he took the note and handed her a token.  I’m still laughing about that one.

Speaking of Dumbasses, what’s up with people feeding seagulls!  If you want a swarm of seagulls to invade your peaceful rooftop dining experience then feed the damn things… squirrels on the other hand.

F Bombs

Nigel is inclined to use the F Bomb in times when he has a person hanging about like a fly and they just won’t leave him alone.  Last time in Türkiye, after the 756th person came and approached him to try and sell a carpet he spun around and told the little kid who was perhaps 6 years old to F**K OFF!  Poor little guy got all the pent up frustration in one foul swoop.

This time we’ve had it twice.  Once with a particularly persistent hassler who then said “you f**k off too and why are you so angry?” and secondly when we got dicked around by the boat tour company which led to the “We weren’t f**king late, we were here 30 f**king minutes ago and you f**king know it”.  I’ve got a funny feeling the next four months we might have a few more thrown around for good measure especially when we start driving in Europe.  I have high expectations of “What the f**k are you doing?, Get the f**k out of the way and my personal favourite “Oh for f**ks sake you f**king stupid f**kface”.

Long time listeners, first time callers will know that jennigeltravel loves a good Hop on Hop off bus and so Istanbul was no exception.  We travelled the length and breadth of Istanbul by bus, crossing the bridge from Europe to Asia and back again.  Stopped at the Spice Market for fixed price shopping with the locals.  Then boat up and down the Bosphorus where we saw dolphins and mosques and residential buildings and more mosques and a couple more mosques. 

Speaking of mosques, our hotel had sound proofed windows so you don’t get disturbed by the call to prayer five times a day.  Unlike last time in Türkiye when in one place we realised that a loud speaker was literally strapped to our window frame.  ALLAHU AKBAR! at 5am is one sure fire way to wake you up. We found this time that we looked forward to the sound of multiple muezzin competing for worshippers.  It reminds you that you’re in a different part of the world and we respect the culture and the religion immensely.  So this time we would open our double glazed window in the evening and sit and listen silently during the cacophony.

So Istanbul, History! Wowsers! Big History! Massive! You can read all about it on Wikipedia, you don’t need me to explain it to you.  But man, whoever controls Istanbul controls the world.  Especially when you think that all goods need to traverse the Bosphorus via Istanbul to get anything to Bulgaria, Romania, Georgia, Moldova and Ukraine.  One way in and one way out. A city on two continents. So glad we weren’t sick this time.